Beginning

Welll last sat was my match and regretfully i lose.
So here the match facts - the first round i successfully take down my opponent twice and i knew dat round was mine.The second was quite okay but toward the end i felt dizzy maybe becos before the match i found out i was .2 over my category so i ran and didn't want to eat ending up with dizzy spells.By the third round i was so dizzy dat i can't no longer punch, i let him punch me as much.DAMN but nvr mine like i said this is the start of a success.at least i knoe where my weakness lies and i can correct it.When i reach home my mum nag at me for comin back home late and ask my grandmother to look after the house.I was like really annoyed cos all this while nvr not even once did she or my father ask abt my silat whether how i did or even came to see me fight.It was all abt me , i rely on myself to came dis far.I have nvr ask them for money to buy dis or dat cos i knoe if i ask my mum she would nag and most probably sometimes only i get the money and for my father i knew he is into some financial crisis dats y i did not ask for more money bt did anyone notice i guess nope.Sometimes dis is wat i rather called communication breakdown and it is always when i quarrel with my mom dat it is me dat give way and for my father sometimes his ego can be so big dat he don't see the whole picture.Iyelahh sometimes parents think they are more matured and they are mostly correct being living in dis world much longer but nvr do they listen to wat their children saying whether are they making senses.

I do want to continue silat and stuff but if i don't even have support internally how can it be done.Like dat time when i'm in the national team and they like see it as normal and they even like saying don't go,how many time must go and stuff.Until i finally make the decission to quit.It sure gonna be a hard and rocky road if i gonna make it.Don't knoe wat happening to me now listening to songs smoke machine,yeah - usher and some dance beat.I think i into the dance mood how i wish i could turn dis lab into some dance floor and turn the lights off and dance my mind away.DAts y sometimes i felt dat it is better that i'm alone so lonely cos dat way no one will be affected due to my problems.Mayb dats y i rather be alone.I guess like my frends said dat i always think abt others rather than myself.I can go all out for my frends but when it came to myself i'm stuck,confused and can't seems to help myself.